A bit of humor

Noticed this quote on Jeff Kimmel's blog and thought it was too funny. From the late comedian Mitch Hedberg -

When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say “Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two.” And if no one answers they’ll say their name again. “Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two.” But then if no one answers they’ll just go right on to the next name. “Bush, party of three.” Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You fuckers are selfish… the Dufranes are in someone’s trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry! That’s a double whammy. We need help. Bush, search party of three! You can eat when you find the Dufranes.

A few other good oneliners from MItch - "Tortillas are sleeping bags for ground beef." -

"You know they call corn on the cob, corn on the cob, but that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that corn, they should call every other version corn off the cob. It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call it Mitch. Then reattach it and call me Mitch-all-together..."

"Once I saw this wino who was eating grapes, and I said, "Dude, you have to wait".

"Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper, but it's a bullshit replica, 'cuz the dude didn't even get his degree. Alright."

"You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and it still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast."

"I make instant oatmeal in the morning then I don't do shit for an hour. Makes me wonder why I need the instant oatmeal, I could make the regular oatmeal and feel productive."

"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've travelled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so that the map will not fall down."

Mitch is my kind of guy. :) I'll send you a few more of his one-liners in the days to come.